Tales of a Wasted Mind

Tales of a Wasted Mind: Life Stories by Danny R. Phillips

“The Time I Accidentally saw Nickelback & Predicted the Future”

I had sworn that I would never be caught dead at Rockfest, period.

The bands that graced the stage at this yearly meeting of the minds just didn’t do it for me. I didn’t (and still don’t) care about a dude with a chainsaw, milking his one hit for decades, I wouldn’t spend my cash on a chance to hear “Last Resort” when I couldn’t stand hearing it on the radio.
Standing fast in my resolve to deny the festival’s existence for many years, I remained unwavering until 2000 when Stone Temple Pilots were named as the headliner.

STP were one of the few bands that came in the wake of the Seattle grunge tsunami I liked. There was lots of crap out there (Candlebox, Muddle of Mudd and Collective Soul to name just three) but STP’s first three or four records I really dug, they stood above the rest for me so hey no problem, I’d pay twenty bucks to see one of my favorite 90s bands.

Plus, I thought “I’d better go see Weiland before he ODs and dies”. Prediction number one.

Tickets were obtained, friends were going along like back in the day, everyone stoned, should be a cool time. Sure, I’d have to endure crap like 3 Doors Down and Papa Roach but that’s how it goes with festivals, not every band is a stone cold winner, some stick with you, some you won’t remember next week.

As many reading this may know, festivals generally have multiple stages to accommodate a full day of bands; the second stage is typically the land of mid level acts and bands on the rise. At this particular show the second stages was a flat bed trailer set among vendors, sponsors and band merch tents.

My friend Dough Boy and I were walking by the stage on our way to get our free carton of cigarettes (it was 2000, concerts and sponsorships were different), when I heard it, that sound.

It was the most middle of the road, mediocre “rock” I had heard in years, maybe ever. I was taken aback by its total lack of appeal to me. This was a strange feeling. Usually I can find some good in damn near any music. Not this band, I just wanted a nap. If this music were a color, it would be beige. Boring, lacking depth or power. I was done.

That band was Nickelback.

As a music journalist, this made me curious. Why did this band exist and why, did it seem to be getting such positive response when they weren’t creating anything new or unique. Run of the mill being accepted as greatness. Honestly, the Pavlovian like response to “This is How You Remind Me” was both fascinating and unsettling.

While I wouldn’t call the racket they made music, it was formulaic enough, had just a bit of an edge but, at the same time, easy to swallow as tapioca pudding. Nickelback were to become the Kings of Meh and I was there to see it bloom.

The songs, one after the next, would be a perfect fit for Sunday afternoon barbecue, a ride in the mini-van, in Hyvee as you’re looking for tonight’s dinner or over the speakers at Kohl’s, soundtracking your search for Dockers.

Nothing problematic, nothing overly aggressive, just enough rock attitude but doing it with a smile. Pulling a page from the old Jon Bon Jovi playbook.
Nickelback was perfect for people that treated music like background noise. The ones happy with just ok.

Watching the small crowd was intriguing, how easily they accepted the band. After three songs or so, I give my friend the elbow and said the prophetic words: “This band fucking sucks. They’re going to be huge.” A chuckle was had along with the sadness of knowing I would be right and it wouldn’t take long.

With that, we took our free Winstons and we’re on our way. We headed off to smoke a joint or two, hoping the break would aid us through Godsmack on our way to the payoff that was STP. To this day, Scott Weiland is the best frontman I’ve ever seen live.
Chad Kroeger? Definitely not.

I think back on that summer day at Sandstone (or whatever the amphitheater is called now.) How after 25 years, things are so different. Kids grown, marriages ended, friendships gone, people no longer of this Earth, It’s sad but I find comfort in knowing certain things to be true:

Rock n Roll will never die and on that day and every day since, Nickelback were the worst and will, until the end of time, suck. That makes me smile.